SELF-ESTEEM VS. SELF-ISH-NESS...

I've been considering what all the fuss is about, why some people don't like others talking about who they are, what they want, who they want to become, what they like, what motivates them, etc. For instance, it is okay to Esteem ones self, but if you are Important to yourSelf-that is a negative! Why??? Many quotes, thoughts, and ideas have been surfacing as a result!

Iyanla VanZant once said that being Full of Yourself isn't being selfish, it means you are being "Self-Full." I have often thought of this when I've wondered if I'm being too self-absorbed... Then I remind myself that I am the only one who can fulfill (or read that Full-Fill) myself, so I have got to be about the business of filling myself up (and that means to full or brimming over!). Too often we search for something external to do that, a relationship, a job, kids, material things, whatever. It doesn't usually work (er, look at Britney Spears, she's tried all of those things, too).

So today I have been mulling over some of the words that have similar connotations, and curiously enough, many of them look to me as if they should have POSITIVE meanings, yet we have defined them as NEGATIVES.

Some such words are:

Self-Important - Why not be important to myself? If I don't think I'm important, or place enough importance on myself, who will do it? In other words, if I reflect "I'm not very important" to the rest of the world, they will treat me accordingly (has happened to me, it's not fun)!

Self-Centered - Why wouldn't I want myself to feel centered, or center myself in the world of my making? I don't mean that I should be the focal point of my life, at the expense of everything else... However, I learned after having my son that I need to take care of myself first, or there won't be much leftover for him. I used to be a flight-attendant and we had to do those "Flight Safety Demos" where we talk about the Oxygen masks, etc. Well, we taught that if the Oxygen masks dropped down, anyone caring for someone else should PUT ON THEIR OWN MASK FIRST! I have got to prioritize myself first, fill myself up with Oxygen (life-giving sources), or I won't be able to care for anyone else in my family, let alone in the world!

Self-Serving - I fully intend to be of service to, or use to the world, I ask daily to "let me serve." Though I must be of use to myself first or I won't end up feeling very useful to anyone else. It's as if I must practice on myself first, exercising the Serving muscles! Another thing: we use the term "Self-Serve" when we get gasoline/petrol for our cars, or when going to a buffet restaurant, and in those cases it's perfectly acceptable to be Self-Serving. Those are both ways to "fuel ourselves up," incidentally, so I should be allowed to Self-Serve in ways that are Spiritual and/or Emotional, too, shouldn't I???

Self-Seeking - Another "negative" adjective, which insinuates that we are only seeking our own interests. But somehow it makes us feel that seeking our interests at all is wrong. The term isn't "Self-Seeking-Only" but the connotation sends out such a "don't you dare seek yourself" vibe! And anyway, seeking-myself is the only way to get to Self-Discovery, and that seems to be okay with people. Oh, I'm so confused...

Self-Involved - To understand someone you must get involved with them at least a little bit. When we are dating someone we often say "We are Involved..." A lot of people these days don't seem to "know themselves," and to be un-involved with ones self seems to be telling the world "Why would you want to spend time with this person?" I must take interest in myself, or again, I am sending signals that nobody else should find me valuable.

NOW, I understand that the dictionary meanings have been laid down for aeons, and that people are only echoing what they have learned these words to mean. My issue with these words is that without good ol' Webster bestowing definitions upon us, they could actually be seen as healthy, positive terms! The basic words themselves have no negative connotations, rather society has decided that they are words that depict flaws...

The last word I wanted to pick on today is this one:

Self-ish - Now this term is usually not positive, of course, but it's a funny term! Think about it: adding "ish" to any word these days changes its energy, making it seem a wishy-washy term. i.e. Happy-ish, Okay-ish, Pretty-ish, so the word SELF-ISH is like saying "I'm wishy-washy about mySELF.")

Well, I am learning that words not only mean something different to different people, but that the way we use "Self-Talk" can be powerful, or can leave us feeling guilty that we are empowering ourselves. I'm not allowing guilt to be part of my story anymore, so make more room for Self-isms, I say!