ROLLING AND COASTING!

Yep, Life is a Roller-Coaster, very up and down at the moment. Yesterday was full of frustration, today is full of magic, mystery, and inspiration!


Yesterday I wasn't so up, I was letting my frustrations get the better of me and I felt very stuck and lower than usual (see this video for proof of that!)

Today I found that my energy was better, no doubt due to eating more simply. Mark Manning had put on a CCOR video challenging us to ask ourselves questions about self-honesty. I answered all of them and when I go to the eating question, I realized that I have NOT been eating according to what I know works for me. I used to do "food combining," and I always felt great when I did. (Google about it if you are interested, it's hard to explain in a wee blogspot... )

Anyway I had found a book called "Fit for Life" about 10-12 years ago, which is when I discovered the idea that we should eat to ensure that our bodies don't struggle to digest our food. Over the years I somehow "forgot" what I had learned about it and instead looked for new ways to get healthy. Check out this interview with the author, although the sound is wonky it is worth listening to!! Well, after realizing that I've been ignoring what I've known all along I have committed to following it again (and just ordered the book again, too).

The journey of life seems to be about "knowing" ourselves, learning what works for us as an individual, and what doesn't. For me, my life's lesson is to uncover who I am, work through my issues, and let my light shine as brightly as possible in order to show others ways to discover more about themselves. I now have committed to thriving on the food that works for me, taking my health seriously, and not worrying about what the latest diet guru says. Listening to my gut (literally!).

Today I also set about manifesting some small things. I haven't had very specific manifestation goals, so I haven't had much show up lately!! I decided to focus on some small things, to get my "manifestation muscles" working. This morning I had listened to a recording of Oprah talking to Esther Hicks about the Law of Attraction, and Esther reminded us that we should intend to create small manifestations in order to grow our belief in the LOA. So, I chose to manifest three small things today: A Blue Butterfly, an Orange Flower, and a Fluffy Feather. Easy things, sort of, but at least not something too crazy for me to believe, like a 3 karat diamond ring falling from the sky.

About an hour after "asking" the Universe for those things I was watching some videos and decided to check out a My Space site (of one of the 100 Day Challengers) and Look what Manifested: The Blue Butterfly!!

A couple of hours later I went to pick up my son from preschool, and he handed me a bit of art he had made today: An Orange Flower!! (sorry no picture, but I am looking at it right now, trust me here).

Okay, I've not had the feather, but maybe the others came easier because I specified a colour and could really see them. I will try again tomorrow, maybe I'll get three things!

"Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into."
-- Mahatma Gandhi

"I AM A WOMAN GIVING
BIRTH TO MYSELF"

I've decided to make a "Vision Statement" for each week, setting out specific goals, challenges, and things I wish to manifest. I am inspired by this video by Lilou Mace: "Lilou's Declaration." Lilous is awesome, so open and joyful... I am also inspired by this blog: "Follow the Dragonfly." This is a woman, Julie, who is building a beautiful vision of her life, and is open to being herself, and she is teaching me loads...

I have had a very challenging time uncovering my own Vision, Dreams, Desires, and Goals. I am still in the process of uncovering them, though it becomes easier day by day. I feel like I am excavating on an archaeological dig, in which pieces of the discovery are becoming clearer, though digging through dirt and debris is essential, and sometimes hard work.

This week I am open to Manifesting:

Health: I have a cold that I desire to get over with quickly, and my eating habits will be easy to choose and will support my whole body).
Organization in my house and with my time will be easy and expand my energies.
Peace in my marriage. I will love fully and listen always.
Ideas for my family's future: Inspiring, solid, expansive, magical ideas emerge.
Appointments: I find it easy to make them and I connect with the right people to help me with my goals for health, driving, and naturalisation (UK passport).
Support: I am open to support, however the Universe chooses to bring it.

I am full of hope and wonder at the life that is unfolding, the "real me" that is rising to the surface is showing me that life is full of Possibilities!!

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."
– Peter Marshall

My best freind Kerrie (Hi Kerrie!) said to me recently that what we are doing on the 100 Day Challenge is Revoloutionary and the ideas behind it are groundbreaking. She reminded me that many people in the world won't be ready to go where I am going. Many won't even be ready to talk about such things as the Law of Attraction, or any other Metaphysical idea for that matter. Anything that asks us to go beyond what we can take in with our senses creates strong debate, heightens emotions, and challenges us to confront what it is that we DO IN FACT BELIEVE.

Many of us in the West have become vague about things like that. We have become bland about our beliefs, morals, ideals, customs, etc.. Nothing wrong with being Open or Inclusive, but instead we've just become reluctant to be specific about what we "Know For Sure." People like Oprah are popular because they say what they believe, whether others agree or not. Even George Bush gets respect (or used to) for speaking his mind emphatically (not that I have ever been a fan of GWB). Better to stand for something, rather than nothing at all!

However, I am finding that uncovering what I believe in, or even believe about myself is a Challenge!! What DO I want? Where DO I want to go in life? These answers aren't easy! Goals are a bit elusive, even though I am intending to have them! They are something I hadn't really worked on before... And I'm telling you, it was really difficult to find my direction in life when I didn't even have a destination in mind!! This is changing, thank goodness.

Right now I am working things out as I go, asking one question at a time. Recently, I came face to face with the belief that "I can''t feel Secure or Stable unless I own a house and have a place in a community." I hadn't been allowing myself to see that I can be creative and open to life wherever I happened to live. I uncovered (of course) that my own Insecurities were what I needed to face up to. I have been unravelling layers of that and have found that I CAN feel secure in myself! I also have Stability all around me in the form of my marriage, my family, being in a safe country, and having money in the bank, which gives me options. I've learned to accept THAT WHICH I DO HAVE, instead of WHAT I DON'T. Nothing wrong with wanting a house, but I now want a house for its own sake, not to get it to solve my self-esteem issues!

I was speaking to an elderly neighbor today and realized that I am living a life that won't make sense to a lot of people. We were talking about how people aren't living lives that make sense these days. Well,l I am on a quest to understand and love myself, while working out how the energy, power, and love of the Universe/God works in me and through me! That is a big thing to tell someone when they ask "what do you do?" Well, I didn't tell her THAT, of course, but I did tell her that my family might be moving to France this summer to take ourselves out of the rat race and spend time doing things that matter to us. She seemed defensive about that, telling me that she believed that earning money for the future, having a home, and being part of a community were what mattered. She'd lived in our village all her life and was proud of that. Her attitude wasn't directed at me, per se, but it reflected what I have been de-bunking in my own life! WHY do I have to live a life like everyone else? So they can feel comfortable??? Why do I need to fall in line with what a community, a work force, or a housing market asks of me??? So I don't rock the boat???

Well, dear friends, I am reminded of many stories throughout history about people who ROCKED THEIR BOATS and ended up changing history (er, the people who founded and settled the U.S.A. for one). Being uncomfortable about the reactions we may get during our Challenge is natural. Expect to feel discomfort, expect to feel CHALLENGED!

This was important for me to discover and accept, as we are part of something that could change the direction of humanity as we know it. THAT ain't small stuff! So, if you are reading this and applying the Law of Attraction in your life, take heart, you aren't alone in the ups and downs of this process. It is, after all, a very radical way of thinking and being! Although the ideas found in The Secret have been around for aeons, they have been underground until now. Those of us who are ready to learn and apply those "Secrets" are connecting for support, putting our ideas and intentions out there, and learning the process as we go. Heck, we are CREATING the process!!! Or should I say "Co-Creating???"

Love to all!!! CK

I've been on quite a ride with what I've uncovered this week, it has left me with lots to ponder, & write about. I have uncovered several fears (that annoying "F" word!) and can now see that these fears have even affected my marriage. I have been afraid to be ME, plain and simple, probably have for years. I'm reading (re-reading) Dan Millman's book "The Life you Were Born to Live" and I'm getting some answers there. If you don't know of him he's the Peaceful Warrior guy: www.danmillman.com. He is going to be in the UK next month so I may go hear him speak!

Anyway, the CCOR group on YouTube (link) has supported me in a way that I never expected, at all. I've gotten such amazing feedback and some amazing comments about what I'm doing. Sometimes people say that I'm POWERFUL and INSPIRING (my Vision Board has a few of these statements on there, so I'm not surprised that I drew that stuff really...), but it has given me crazy feelings, overwhelming ones sometimes, and has left me a bit uncomfortble sometimes...

I have been working on "WHY" I feel strange about that, and have discovered that I was not giving myself permission to walk in the power of who I am...

Now that I am doing the 100 Day Challenge I feel like I have woken up to MY possibilities, not just the possibilities that can come my way (though those are really the same thing, in a wacky, quantum, We-Are-The-World sort of way). I somehow "know" I am powerful and yet have been running from that notion.

One of my all-time favourite quotes is this one by Marianne Williamson (from Return to Love):

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, fabulous, gorgeous, talented? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You're playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that's within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we automatically give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others."

To me, this sums up my Co-Creating Our Reality experience so far!!!

I love the book Return to Love and I always have a out-of-body sensation when reading that bit. Anyway, I journalled a lot about the fear of "accepting the feelings of others" and what surfaced was this: I am afraid of my own feelings, insticnts, and power. It is also hard for me to allow myself to affect people without feeling responsible for their feelings.

I have often said to my husband, "I can't be responsible for your feelings!" ... But the other day it really hit me: there is a huge connection to my fears and what I say to him! I didn't want to be responsible for ANYONE'S feelings, or their reactions to me. Good or Bad ones!! I haven't known how to accept that I affect other people without then feeling responsible for them or worried about their reactions to me (read that: insecurity)!

I was rejected as a child for being myself and expressing myself (weren't we all?). For me it was the fact that I was the smart girl at school and because I was ahead of other kids I got bullied, ridiculed, and often ignored. My parents both let go of their responsiblities to me when i was young, too. My father stopped being around both physically and financially, and my mother stopped being there emotionally. I was about 8 when they divorced and I felt that I suddenly didn't matter. That feeling has stuck around, just letting go of it now. Wow...

As a result, no one represented for me how to be responsible for the well-being of others OR MYSELF. I missed the lesson that I affect others, and how to do that in a loving and caring, yet self-full way. I now know that these are feelings that I allowed to stay with me, and I coped by blaming others for "making me feel" those crappy feelings...

I now accept that I can let that all go and I can become stronger every day!

During this "letting go" session, I remembered what Oprah says, "Beyond your deepest pain lies your greatest purpose" (or something like that!). My deepest fear WAS to express the TRUE ME, so my greatest purpose now IS to assist others in allowing their own TRUTHS to come to light.

So now, I am allowing myself to be who I am and share my light, care for others, and also to set boundaries so I don't absorb too much energy from others. I know that what I have to contribute matters. I also know that if my style of expression isn't right for someone, that is okay by me.

I Matter. I am Me. I am worthy of self-expression!

Scary stuff to realize, but freedom is mine!!! What did that Jesus dude say? The Truth will set you free!!!??? He was so right. ;-).

Better go, I've got some major life changes to sort out (I'll update here soon)...